Janet Woititz, mother of the recovery movement, sensitively addresses the barriers of trust and intimacy that children learn in an alcoholic family. She provides suggestions for building loving relationships with friends, partners, and spouses.

This book helped me realize that the dysfunctional childhood I went through had taught me coping mechanisms that got me through childhood but were very ineffective now that I was an adult. Just realizing this was like suddenly seeing the forest for the trees, and was such a relief. No, you're not crazy...you have just never learned how to stop being on guard.

If this sounds like you, read this book and find some relief. It will help you understand why you feel so torn when you know you have a good thing going, and help you learn new ways to cope before you wreck the best thing that ever happened to you. Good luck!

86 of 87 found the following review helpful:


One of just a few practical help books  Apr 05, 2002 By Margaret Secor
Woititz has written several books aimed at helping "Adult Children of Alcoholics" (ACA). I recommend all of them. This book is based on the problems ACAs (and others from troubled homes) have in beginning and maintaining close relationships. She gives practical advice rather than the usual "cuddle your inner problem child" blather that some books give. All of her books are based on 10-12 things that most ACAs have in common. These things are listed at the front of each book and I recommend that each reader start there. If this list strikes a chord with you, then get the book! Among the list are: ACAs wonder what normal is. ACAs lie when they could just as easily tell the truth (I didn't believe this of me until a friend pointed out a few). ACAs have a hard time changing their course even when it's obvious that they should (I'm paraphrasing this one). Check it out!

48 of 49 found the following review helpful:


I loved this book  Jul 21, 2003
If you are an ACoA (Adult Child of an Alcoholic), I recommed this book and all of the books by Janet Woititz. I've read many of them, they are easy reads and so informative. It is really helpful to learn about other's experiences and struggles, and to hear advice on how to help you now. My favorite part of this book is the chapter called "So, you love an ACoA..." and is good for your partner to read to help them understand things like why you might overreact to certain situations or have such a negative view of yourself. Don't be turned off by the old cover, mine looked like it was from 1960 or something, the book is not outdated by any means.

33 of 33 found the following review helpful:


The Light Just Came On  Mar 09, 2001
I started reading this book not realizing it was about ACOA. I discovered that is my problem in relationships. My parents were alcoholics. In reading this book, I saw me growing up and now. It is such an inspiration to be able to put a label on these feelings and fears. It was like someone turned a light on in my soul. I feel like I have a starting point now in which to move forward. I really wish I would have read this before I got divorced. I think it could have saved a good marriage.

25 of 26 found the following review helpful:


I learned about healthy relationships  Feb 28, 2003 By Paris A. "flow_97"
I thought I knew about relationships and how to make one work and what it took to keep one going. I thought my past failures were a product of bad timing. I did not see why I went after the wrong people, prused bad situations and stayed when I should have left. This book opened my eyes and changed my perspective. It was brilliant.

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