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794 of 825 found the following review helpful:
 Common sense advice, but beware the unwritten chapter Nov 07, 2005
By Andrew Olivo Parodi
I won't waste your time with a rundown of what "How to Win Friends and Influence People" is about. With over 400 reviews on Amazon, with over 15 million copies sold, and with a very self-explanatory title, I think you all get it. For the rare person who may not know what this book is about, here's a succinct description: in 1930s vernacular prose, Dale Carnegie explains that by appealing to the other person's highest ideals, remembering the other person's name, letting the other person do most of the talking, speaking in terms of the other person's interests, allowing the other to save face, by "throwing down a challenge," etc., you can make a friend out of just about anyone.
The advice is largely sound, but I think the reader should keep in mind the context within which this book was written. "How to Win Friends and Influence People" was written in the 1930's and intended primarily as a companion book to Dale Carnegie's classes on how to be a good salesman. In other words, these techniques work very well in the context of sales and public relations, i.e., in relationships that are not expected to be deep and/or long-lasting. I wouldn't recommend using these techniques on close personal friends. Doing so may make a person come across as a bit "plastic."
Also, there is one major point that I think needs to be remembered, but unfortunately is nowhere to be found in "How to Win Friends and Influence People." During my research of Dale Carnegie's techniques, I came across what I believe may be the only biography available about him: Dale Carnegie: The Man Who Influenced Millions by Giles Kemp and Edward Claflin. This book reveals many interesting things, such as the fact that Dale Carnegie grew up poor; he lost part of his left index finger when he was a child; he often broke many of the tenets set forth in this book, often forgetting others' names, often arguing with others, etc. But what I found most interesting was that the last chapter of "How to Win Friends" was to describe those individuals with whom none of Dale Carnegie's techniques work. In this unpublished chapter, Carnegie wrote that there were some people with whom it was impossible to get along. You either needed to divorce such people, "knock them down," or sue them in court.
Why is that chapter absent from this book, you ask? Well, Dale Carnegie was in the middle of writing this chapter when he was offered a trip to Europe, and rather than complete this last chapter he decided to take the trip. The uncompleted book was sent off to publishers, and Carnegie shipped off to Europe.
Giles Kemp and Edward Claflin say that given the optimistic tone of the rest of "How to Win Friends," the European trip was perhaps the better choice. Reconciling the the unwritten chapter with the rest of this optimistic book would've been nearly impossible, they say.
Anyway, I think that this unpublished chapter is important to keep in mind. I had to learn the hard way that the unpublished chapter is very true. There are some people with whom it is impossible to get along. When you meet up with such people, and believe me you will, don't think that you've failed the Carnegie techniques. Instead, remind yourself that you are experiencing exactly what Carnegie describes in that pragmatic, unpublished chapter. And then quickly move on to the nicer people!
Andrew Olivo
405 of 428 found the following review helpful:
 Timeless Advice Jun 26, 2004
By GEORGE R. FISHER
His advice is so obvious and so easy, so how come it's so difficult to do yourself and so rarely found in others? Is it cynicism or manipulation? No, it's human nature: Do Unto Others ...THE FUNDAMENTALS ? "Speak ill of no man and speak all the good you know of everyone."
People react very badly to criticism; don't do it, not to their face nor behind their back ... especially not behind their back. ? Say "Thank You".
Express appreciation. People yearn, yearn to be appreciated. ? Talk about what people want and help them get it.
"Arouse in others an eager want."
Corollary: let others take credit for your ideas; they'll like your ideas a lot more if they believe them to be their own. WAYS TO MAKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU ? Be happy to see people.
Greet everyone you meet and show an interest in them. Remember the things that are important to them. ? Smile! ? Remembers peoples' names!!
Remember it, use it when talking to them. A person's name sounds beautiful to them. ? Draw people out.
Encourage them to talk about themselves and their interests. ? Actively research the other person's interests. ? Every person you meet feels themselves superior to you in some way.
Strain to find out what that is and recognize their importance. Talk to people about themselves and they will listen to you for hours. WIN PEOPLE TO YOUR WAY OF THINKING ? Don't argue!
Give in! Agree that the other person is right; often they are and if they aren't, you'll never convince them of it by arguing. ? Don't ever tell a person they're wrong.
They may be but telling them so is always counterproductive. It is difficult for a person to admit to themselves that they are wrong; harder still to admit it to others. ? If you know you're wrong, admit it.
Openly and freely admit whenever you're wrong. And always leave open the possibility that you're wrong even of you think you aren't. ? Friendliness begets friendliness.
Always begin that way. Don't accuse. ? Never neglect a kindness.
Look for ways to do or say something nice. ? Start out by emphasizing areas of agreement.
When a person has said "no" it's hard to get them to change even if they know they're wrong. ? Let the other person do most of the talking.
Listen patiently and don't interrupt. Let your friends be better than you. ? Let people come to your conclusions.
First, tell me what you expect of me; then tell me what I can expect of you. People will generally live up to the commitments they make to you as long as they came up with them on their own. ? Think always in terms of the other person's point of view.
Where they stand depends on where they sit; figure out where they're sitting. ? ? of the people you will ever meet are dying for sympathy.
Give it to them and they will love you. ? A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. ? Dramatize your ideas.
"Don't use logic; tell stories." Make your ideas visible, concrete. Bear in mind that people don't know until you show them what you mean. ? Stimulate in others their innate desire to excel (perhaps through a friendly challenge or through competition). BE A LEADER ? Don't go sailing into difficult interpersonal situations with guns blazing. You'll always get a negative reaction. ? Change "but" into "and".
Be indirect in your criticism. Praise before you condemn. ? Ask questions rather than giving orders. ? Be very careful to help others preserve their dignity. ? People crave recognition: praise the smallest improvement and praise every improvement. ? Treat people as though they had the virtues you wished they possessed.
Give them a reputation to live up to and they will work like crazy to live up to it. ? Praise the good; minimize the bad: encourage.
Make achievement seem possible. Take and encourage little baby steps. Seek out even the most insignificant of successes. ? Napoleon: I could conquer the world if only I had enough ribbon.
165 of 173 found the following review helpful:
The first and the best self help program Feb 09, 2004
I have to admit that people skills were never my strongpoint. While I had no problem making friends, my problem was handling problem people and taking a leadership role. I read the book "How to Win Friends and Influence People" many times. It made all the difference in human relations and I made the transition to a people person to the point where I can handle anybody and have developed strong leadership skills. While the book is great, I really enjoy the cd's. Nice 8 pack that helps to reinforce the material while driving around. Great program. Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People" was the first and best self help book. In my opinion it is still the best.
146 of 158 found the following review helpful:
Great book Mr. Carnegie. Feb 09, 2004
A friend of mine just got me started in a network marketing company. I asked his upline what is the best way to get my business started off quickly. And he said, "people--you need to go out and meet people." I was ready to quit. Nobody I knew would be a good candidate for a business and meeting new people and approaching them on a business opportunity scared the heck out of me. He suggested that I read How To Win Friends and Influence People and that this book would teach me what I needed to know to develop the ability to positively influence other people. Cool. I read the book and it worked. I overcame my fears and created a great downline. Now I am recommending How To Win Friends and Influence People to everyone I know. By the way, I also overcame my fear of public speaking and am conducting both business presentations and trainings for my reps. The book is great. I highly recommend it.
56 of 60 found the following review helpful:
How To Motivate People: A Must Read! Aug 27, 2003
By Jeff Antos
In discussions with clients, I am becoming increasingly aware that many scientific and technical folks are being placed in leadership positions for the first time with little or no training and the most popular topic of discussion is "How do I motivate people?" How to Win Friends and Influence People is a great place to start. Although its title provokes images of snake oil salesmen, or Chris Farley's Saturday Night Live bit as Matt Foley, motivational speaker, the book is filled with timeless instruction written in plain language. For example, in his chapter on listening skills, Carnegie explains why listening is so important: "Remember that the people you are talking to are 100 times more interested in themselves and their wants and problems than they are in you and your problems. Remember that a person's toothache means more to that person than a famine in China which kills a million people." Although the book was originally penned in 1936, it has been updated over the years and its popularity has not diminished. It contains thirty principles of human behavior that are illustrated with copious examples. Quotations and anecdotes are included from scores of historical figures including Abraham Lincoln, Teddy Roosevelt, Sigmund Freud, Charles Schwab, and Confucius. I found the top ten principles to include the following:
* Don't criticize, condemn, or complain.
* Give honest and sincere appreciation.
* Become genuinely interested in other people.
* If you are wrong, admit it quickly andemphatically.
* Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
* Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view
* Dramatize your ideas.
* Let the other person save face.
* Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
* Let the other person do a great deal of the talking. If you can get past the title, I highly recommend How to Win Friends and Influence People as guidebook for motivating people.
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